Adoption Story: Ryan + Lauren

in

I will never forget when Ryan and Lauren called and expressed their desire to pursue adoption. They signed on with me at CAC just a few short months after our initial call. The journey to their daughter was not easy, but as they share, every mountain they climbed to get to her was well worth the wait. Through all of the no’s, through all of delays and setbacks, through COVID and in the middle of a Texas ice storm…they never gave up! Ryan and Lauren, it was an honor to walk with you guys through the adoption process. What a joy it has been to see your story unfold! God’s grace is so very evident over every detail.

If you have been in the adoption journey for a while, then you already know.  If you are just starting, then you will quickly learn. This process is one of the most challenging things that your marriage and faith may ever go through.  But the ways God will work in your heart throughout this journey are absolutely amazing.  If you can push aside the distractions of the enemy, you quickly see that your relationship and faith will be stronger. Our story was about to end with us quitting. But God intervened. 

We had been struggling to conceive a child for several years prior.  My wife and I both had health issues that were contributing factors. After unsuccessful procedures and a couple major health scares, we decided that having children biologically was probably not going to happen. 

At that point, the thought of adoption was not on our minds yet. We had not even considered it.  Then, God placed a little girl in our lives.  She was staying with a family, which we are good friends with.  Her mother had been struggling with drug use and she was going to stay with our friends until her mother got better. We immediately developed a relationship with this little girl. We grew to love this little girl and as our love grew for her, God laid adoption on our hearts. 

In 2018 we signed on with Kelly at Christian Adoption Consultants and we jumped right into our adoption journey. I would say our journey for the most part was pretty typical.  We finished our home study and profile book. We applied to adoption agencies and attorneys. Situations would become available to present our profile; we would apply and then they would say we were not selected. Then, we would have another; we would apply and then they would say we were not selected. Then another, and another, and another and then the questions started popping up in our head.  “Is there something wrong with us?", "Do we need to be trying something different?",  or the dreaded, “Should we be doing this at all?”.  

Every time we were not selected for a situation our minds would turn it into a big NO!  Believe me after so many of those, it really started to hurt.  We were starting to feel the struggle of it mentally and we allowed some of the questions to get to us.  All the way to the point of giving ourselves a date of no more. We renewed our contracts with CAC and our Home Study Agency, and we told ourselves this was the last time. The enemy had finally gotten to us, and we were going to quit.  BUT THEN GOD.

At the end of January we received a phone call from one of the adoption agencies that we had been working with. They told us about a mother who was choosing adoption for her baby. Something felt different about this situation, but we didn’t know what it was, so we asked them to give us a few moments and think it over.  We got off the phone, talked to each other and contacted Kelly, our Adoption Consultant. After speaking with her, we felt good about moving forward. We called the adoption agency back and told them that we would love to present our profile. She immediately said she was glad we had decided to move forward, as the expecting mother wanted the agency to choose and they had chosen us. We immediately felt a  flood of emotions!  All of the years of waiting, years of "no's" that we had interpreted as rejection, years of not feeling adequate, had ended with a simple, YES! 

The agency shared with us that the expecting mother would like to name her child. We asked if they knew what she would like to name her.  “Yes, she would like for her name to be Angeline.” We were amazed and shocked! A couple months before my wife had lost her Aunt Angie.  Angie was the one that gave my wife her middle name, Nichole.  Angeline fit perfectly-Angeline Nichole, it was. 

Her due date was March 2nd so we started planning quickly! But we didn't get too far with it because she came about a month early! She was born in Texas. We live in Illinois- a short 16.5 hours drive if conditions are good. But we drove through an ice storm that shut down Texas. Once again, God took control of the situation and saw us through. We made it to Texas in great time, considering the conditions.  

Once we got to our destination, we settled into our hotel room and started figuring out when we could go see our baby girl. The agency informed us that she was in NICU because she was not eating on her own just yet. Due to COVID restrictions they were only allowing one visitor at a time. Our first thought was, "How are we supposed to bond with our child one at a time, for a small window, once every 24 hours?"  But God had other plans. He placed amazing nurses in our path that pushed for the Medical Director to allow us more time with her.

When she was eating better we were finally able to take her back to our hotel. Twice during the first few nights that we had her with us we lost power for several hours. Typically, being in  Texas, you wouldn’t be worried about this. But the weather conditions weren't favorable, as this black out was caused by a record setting winter storm.  Stores started running out of food, fuel was becoming limited, but God put us in a place where people did not cause more chaos. This town came together and helped each other.  The hotel made sure the people that stayed there had at least 2 meals a day. The surrounding gas stations made sure people stayed orderly and everyone had a fair chance at getting fuel. Even when people told us something was going to be a big roadblock, God made a way.

When we began the interstate paperwork for the adoption, we were warned that it could possibly take twice as long as normal due to everything that had been going on with COVID and the storm.  Typically, it should take anywhere from 7-10 business days for it to process. They told us we should be prepared for over 14 days. It took only 4. God was with us in every detail. 

Our story is a reminder to us of God's faithfulness. Angeline came into our lives February 10th.  It was the day we were meant to become parents.  All of the waiting, heartache, struggle and frustration all disappeared. This is the day we had been waiting for. It gives a new meaning to, “This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24).

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoption Story: Steven + Annie

in

I had the wonderful privilege of walking with Steven and Annie through their adoption journey. I was amazed by their strength and faith throughout this entire process. Today they share the story that led them to their beautiful daughter. I pray their words serve as a means of encouragement to anyone who is in a season of waiting. God isn’t finished with your story.

We will never forget waiting in the car in a thunderstorm for four hours to be let into the hospital through protocols and signatures to see our daughter. You hear all the time “patience is a virtue.” Our journey through adoption definitely tested our patience, but we wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Our story starts like many others; boy meets girl, they get married, decide they want children together, and then bam! – a brick wall to get through. We struggled with getting pregnant and after many years of trying, fertility treatments, and praying, we moved forward with adoption. 

The first chapter in our adoption journey started with the long road of fostering to adopt. After completing the intense training program and being approved to foster, we were never given the opportunity to foster someone outside of an emergency situation. And even then, because of calling multiple families at once, someone had already committed before we could. As the length between situations kept increasing with fewer and fewer calls, we turned to prayer once again for guidance on what we should do. Was this a sign we were not meant to do this or is it a sign to pray harder?

Fast forward a few months later, it was a toss up between more expensive fertility options or adoption outside of foster care. This is when the great team at Christian Adoption Consultants came into our lives. We were so thankful to have Kelly Todd as our Consultant. Her guidance throughout the entire process was invaluable to us and without her support we may have given up. 

Once you get approved to present to situations you get this feeling that you made a great decision by working with a consultancy as everyone is on top of their game and very attentive. Although Kelly and her team were phenomenal, the process of presenting to situations just seemed to take the air out from under our wings. And then, “patience is a virtue” comes back. We presented over and over, feeling like “this is meant to be” each time. With each new exciting situation and potential match, we were met with “the mother selected a different family”. This became quite discouraging as we progressed deeper into our journey.

We had many sleepless nights, tears of sadness, and the feeling that our prayers were going unanswered. The thought came each time, “maybe we are not meant to do this?” We had many conversations with Kelly where she stayed positive, encouraged us to keep our faith, and to keep moving forward. She always helped us put everything into perspective and to continue praying just as she was doing. 

After presenting more times than we could keep track of, we were matched with sweet expecting parents. The excitement and joy that came over us was nothing we had ever experienced before. The baby was due in six weeks and the expecting parents wanted to meet with us prior to the birth. As nervous as it was to drive to a different state and meet the birth parents of our future daughter, the experience couldn’t have been any better than it was. We had a wonderful time getting to know each other and everything just felt right. For the first time in the presenting process, we finally got feedback as to why we were selected and it was completely overwhelming. 

From here we knew that there was a reason God had us wait so long to be matched. We were waiting for our daughter. From the moment we presented to the day we met, it felt like it was meant to be. Through the entire array of emotions, the many years of pushing through, and the countless prayers from everyone that knew of our story, we are forever thankful to our daughter’s birth parents, the agency used to complete the process, the team at Christian Adoption Consultants, and to God for bringing us such a sweet baby girl that has completely filled our hearts with joy. 

Stay positive in your journey, don’t lose your faith, and know that God has a plan for how your story will be told.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Refinement In The Waiting Room

in

Oncology waiting rooms aren't unfamiliar to me. I've spent a great deal of time and energy in those spaces. As someone who has beat cancer a handful of times, I'm very accustomed to waiting. But please don't let me fool you, just because I'm familiar with waiting in unknown spaces does not equate to any mastery of it. However, God, in His rich mercy and kindness has allowed me to learn a thing or two from walking some down some very scary times of uncertainty. You might be thinking, "Kelly, what does your cancer have to do with our adoption process?"  Because all of us have our own "waiting room" experiences. If you've spent any time at all in the adoption process, you know exactly what I mean. 

Your current waiting place may look different than someone else's, but they all entail a similar component: uncertainty. When will our home study be done? When will an expectant mother choose us? When will we see the next adoption situation? When will we get the call that baby is on the way? How much longer until consents are signed? When will ICPC be complete? 

Today I want to share with you three nuggets of truth that the Lord has taught me over the years. I pray the Holy Spirit will use them to minister to your heart—wherever you are in your waiting room.

1. God is working in you through the wait. Because God is in control of all things and desires good things for His children, we can assume that this wait is a part of God's loving and good plan for us. As a result of my cancer and infertility "waiting room experiences,” I became desperately more aware of my daily, moment-by-moment, breath-by-breath, can't-take-another-step-with-out-you need for Jesus. It was through all of those moments, days, weeks and years of uncertainty that I learned the depths of God's grace and found there was no end to it. It was through the hard things that God kept my heart close to His through the necessity of prayer. Out of this dormant space, a resilient spirit—deeply rooted in God's love—emerged from the grave. I'm certain if I hadn't been through the fire, I wouldn't be the mother, wife, friend, or consultant I am today. If you're in a waiting room right now, you can be certain that God is working in you through the wait. 

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4).

2. God hasn't forgotten about you. Sometimes when things aren't working out like we expected they would, we can be tempted to think that God has forgotten about us. The stillness can often make us feel isolated, alone or abandoned—like a ship lost at sea. But that is not the truth. It may feel really true to us, but we can't always trust our feelings, which often are moved and changed by circumstance. But God and His Word remain constant. God has not promised that the road will be easy, but His steadfast promise is to always be with us. 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6). 

3. God's timing is perfect. Although this is phrase is thrown around a lot, that doesn't  invalidate or minimize its truth. As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I see this through the intricate details of each and every narrative God writes for my families. He is the author. He holds the pen. His timing is perfect. But sometimes, as a bystander, it's difficult to see what He is up to. Oftentimes we can't see the masterpiece He is creating until the work is finished. When a family walks through an interrupted adoption, the pain will seem unbearable. However, when they are on the other side of the adoption process, rocking their child to sleep at night, they’ll be certain that God's timing is perfect. If their story had unfolded any differently, the child they call "son" or "daughter" wouldn't be in their arms. That doesn't mean that their previous loss wasn't painful, but it does help them comprehend God’s beneficial timeline.

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps" (Proverbs 16:9).

Friends, if you’re struggling to trust God in the wait, ask Him to help you believe these truths. Your understanding and clarity is coming soon. Waiting is never wasted with God.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoption Story: David + Ashley

in

Before David and Ashley signed on to work with me at Christian Adoption Consultants they had been working with two adoption attorneys for over a year. During this time they experienced a failed adoption and a scam. They were feeling extremely discouraged and exhausted when they began their journey with CAC, but they continued to place their trust in the Lord. Ashley and I had countless conversations about how God’s timing is best, even when it doesn’t make any sense to us. I watched as they continued to persevere through the adoption process, presenting their profile over and over again, praying along with them. They never gave up. It wasn’t easy. There were tears. There was doubt at times, “God, what are you doing here? Have you forgotten about us"?” But they continued to place their hope in the One who was writing their story. For those of you who are exhausted and worn out from the process, please take a few minutes and be encouraged by Ashley’s words.

Adoption has always been something that my husband and I knew would be a part of our family's story, even from when we were dating. I had worked as an adoption social worker and saw firsthand the beauty and the struggles with adoption. We knew that conceiving a biological child would be difficult but we felt that we needed to try. We tried unsuccessfully to conceive for six months and then after learning that extensive fertility treatments would be necessary, we took this as God leading us to pursue adoption. In January 2014, we began the adoption process and welcomed our son Matthew with the help of Christian Adoption Consultants in May 2014.

In August 2018, we started the adoption process again , thinking that it would be a similar timeline to our first adoption. It was anything but that but God knew what He was doing. We reached out to Kelly at CAC in August 2019 after experiencing an adoption scam and a failed match. By the time our profile book was ready and we had presented to a few situations, we learned that our home study update would essentially have to be a new home study. We got that finished only for COVID to hit and things slowed down a lot. Over the next year, I think we presented 20 times and each no was harder to hear. We updated our profile book, expanded preferences, you name it- but nothing was happening. We were beginning to wonder if this ever was going to happen or if we had heard God wrong. Kelly was there every step of the way, encouraging us and praying for us.

We had presented to yet another situation and it was another no. We were scraping the bottom of the barrel for hope and we were weary. In the early Spring, we received a phone call from an attorney about an expectant mom due in 4 weeks. We had to make our decision to present fairly quickly. 4 hours later, we got the call saying that we had been matched. We were cautiously excited. The next week, the attorney's office called and said that a C-section had been scheduled for 2 weeks later. Four hours later, we got a message from the birth family saying that the baby was coming that night! A short time later, we saw a picture of a beautiful baby girl.

We scrambled to get packed and we drove 6 hours to the hospital and visited with our daughter's birth family on my husband's birthday! . God had truly gone before us because the pediatrician was our former missions pastor's wife! Alora needed to be transferred to a bigger hospital and the pediatrician chose the one in a city where we had previously lived. God knew that we would need the love and support of our friends there because the next week was the hardest of our lives. It looked like things were unraveling as quickly as they had come together but God was so faithful. A week later, we left the hospital with our daughter, Alora Kay! Alora means "my dream" and "Lord is my light." Kay means "rejoice.” Her middle name is my middle name, my mother's middle name and just happened to be her biological grandmother's first name!

Kelly was such an encouragement to us, even when nothing made sense. She kept reminding us that God wouldn't allow us to miss our baby. We also knew to trust in God's timing but to also trust in His delays- His timing is perfect. I laughed and said that I was going to be 40 with a newborn and sure enough, Alora arrived and I turned 40 a few weeks later! Looking back, we can see how God was orchestrating every "no" into the best yes.

nicu.jpg

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoptive Mother's Thoughts On An Open Adoption: The More Love The Better

in

When Roman grins at me with his handsome brown eyes and big dimples, I see glimpses of his beautiful birth mother. When Ruby skips across the room in her princess dress with her beads clicking and clacking, making music as they hit each other, I think back to a 30 year old picture her birth mother sent me of herself when she was a little girl and I see Ruby in it.  When Roman gets close to me, puts his hands on my face and presses his nose against mine as he says, "Nosey nosey kisses mama," I'm reminded, "That's our thing. I taught him that." When Ruby runs across the room and nearly squeezes my leg off as she says, "You're my favorite girl" I think of how many times she must have heard me tell her that. 

See, our children have two mothers-their birth mother, the woman who carried them for 9 months and birthed them into this world. The woman who loved/loves them so much that she placed them in the arms of another because at the time she felt that she could not provide the life she wanted them to have. The woman who calls to check-in and see how they are doing-how we are doing. The woman who delights in pictures of the twins, updates, Facetime calls, and artwork made by her son and daughter. And they have me-the mother who has loved them and taken care of them everyday from the moment they were lovingly placed in my arms by their birth mother. 

We’ve explained the twin's adoption story to them since they were itty bitty. We wanted them to know their story. We wanted them to know about the amazing woman who gave them life and loves them so much. Why? Because the more love the better. There is always room for more love. Our family didn't just grow by two when we adopted the twins, it grew by a lot more. Their birth family has become an extension of our family. We love them. We talk about them. The twins know them by name. There's a family picture of them hanging on our wall. They are family. 

The other day Roman was asking me questions about his birth mother. He said, "So, I have two moms?" And I said, "Yes." Prior to starting the adoption process I never thought I would answer a question that way. But it's the truth. And confirming that my son and daughter have two mothers, does not in any way take away from the substance of our relationship. It makes it stronger. Because there is strength in unity. There is strength in truth.

"Do you have two mommies like me and sissy?" Roman asked. I should have known this question was coming. Roman makes quick connections. 

Me: "No, I don't. But you know what? Daddy does."

Roman: "He does?" 

Me: "Yes. Mims (what they call my husband's mother) is his mommy. But he grew in another mommy's belly." 

Roman: "Like I grew in my birth mother's belly?"

Me: "Yes."

Roman: "Have I met her?"

Me: "No, you haven't. She had a boo boo when daddy was a little boy and she died. She's in heaven with Jesus now. But she loved your daddy so very much." 

Roman: "Like Mims loves Daddy and me and sissy?" 

Me: "Yes. Just like that." 

Roman: "I wish I could know her."

Me: "Oh, me too Bubby." 

Roman: "So we and daddy both have two mothers."

Me: "Yes."

Roman: "And they love us very much?" (He asks this question with a big smile on his face)

Me: "So much.”

He Withholds No Good Thing

in , , ,

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84:11

He withholds no good thing. These 5 words have been nourishment for my heart. God's Word, His promise, has been a healing balm to my spirit. I've clung to these words tightly over the past decade of my life and even more so over the past few years. 

I've asked God about His goodness and these “good things” while walking through some of the darkest nights. "Are you really good, God? I know you say that you withhold no good thing from your children, but I can't make sense of this." 

Negative pregnancy tests. 
Miscarriage and loss. 
Cancer surgery after cancer surgery. 
Unanswered prayers.

The other day I was sharing with a friend how I was desperately struggling with an unanswered prayer. But felt a lot of guilt around not being able to really believe that God wasn't withholding good from me. Because that’s how it felt…like God was withholding this from me.

She reminded me, "Kelly, I think it's okay to not feel okay right now." Her words rushed over my entire body from head to toe-body, mind and spirit. Then, a feeling of release ensued. All at once I felt the propensity of the weight I had been carrying. I recognized and named each thorn, each scar, and every piece of me that felt broken. I didn't try to make sense of it. I didn't try to push through immediately and find the purpose in the pain. Instead, I brought all of these broken pieces and fragments to Jesus. I laid them at His feet. I told Him I wasn't okay. I told Him how much my heart hurt. I told Him I didn't understand. I asked Him to help me. I told Him, “I know in your Word it says ‘you withhold no good thing from your children,’ but I’m struggling to believe this right now. Help me believe. Help me really believe."

Perhaps you can relate- the inner turmoil of knowing what God’s Word says, but your heart lagging behind, struggling to really believe. “God I know in your Word you say you have good things in store for me, but I just can’t see it now. Sometimes it feels like you are withholding this good thing from me.” If this is you, than I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m right there with you. I didn’t write this in “hindsight” looking back on the struggle. I’m in it now. I don’t have any quick fixes or cookie-cut answers for you. But I can tell what I’m doing. I’m continually running to the source of wisdom and asking Him to grant me wisdom and strength as I sit in the uncomfortableness and brokenness that comes with living in this fallen world.

The other day I was really struggling with this unanswered prayer and I didn’t feel like going to a conference that I was scheduled to attend. I made myself go anyway because I felt the Holy Spirit leading. As the speaker was sharing a bit of her story it resonated with some of the things I had been seeking the Lord about. I started tearing up because I knew that God wanted me in that room to hear everything the speaker had to say and in His kindness He got me there. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking directly to my heart as she continued to share,“Who told you that you’re missing out? Don’t you know that fullness is found in me!?”

Whatever you are going through-infertility, loss, the ups and downs of the adoption process, health issues, financial struggles, relationship issues, unanswered prayers, sit with the Holy Spirit and talk with Him about it. Ask Him for wisdom. God didn’t grant my unanswered prayer, but He gave me wisdom, generously, to be able to sit with the brokenness, while placing my hope in Christ and not my circumstances. He can do the same for you too, friend.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you” (James 1:5)

Adoption & Fear In Presenting Your Profile

in

Fear is a common feeling that hopeful adoptive families typically encounter throughout the adoption process. What if we don't pass the home study? What if an expectant mother doesn't choose us? What if an expectant mother chooses to parent? What if the child we are matched with has medical issues we aren't equipped to handle? What if the adoption process takes longer than expected?

What I want to hone in on today is the fear that may arise as families consider whether or not to present their profile to a specific situation. After a family's home study and profile are complete they are able to start applying with agencies and begin seeing situations. The underlying feelings after reviewing their first situation may be a culmination of excitement, sadness, shock and fear. As I have journeyed through the adoption process before, I can relate. And I remind them that their thoughts and feelings are completely normal. But how do you manage fear when it seems to be lurking around every corner? How do you present to situations when you feel you are drowning in fear?

Ask God to help you get to the root of your fear. Seek the Lord in prayer first. Bring your fears and concerns before God and ask Him to help you sort through them and make sense of them. Here are some questions to help you navigate your decision:

  1. Am I trusting God or am I letting fear calculate my every move? As Christians we can place our hope and comfort in the truth that God is in control of all things. This creates freedom in our hearts to move where the Holy Spirit leads, because we trust that we can't mess up or miss out on the plan God is writing for our family.

  2. Am I holding out for the “perfect” situation? There is no such thing as a "perfect" situation or no-risk in adoption. Yes, there are times where situations will be less risky, but there will always be an element of risk in adoption. If you are holding out for the "perfect" situation, you may never put your "yes" on the table.

  3. Am I allowing room for God to work outside my preferences? Sometimes we come into the adoption process with our own set of preferences. At CAC our families are able to specify their adoption preferences. Oftentimes, however, I've seen families step outside those preferences when God prompts them to do so. It's an act of obedience and leap of faith. But I've never had a family look back on that decision with regret. As you calculate your preferences, are you keeping your hands open to the Lord?

  4. Am I being unrealistic with my feelings about a situation? If you are expecting yourself to have 100% peace and 0% fear whatsoever before moving forward you may never present. Although this is common to think/feel this way, it's an unrealistic expectation to have. We always encourage couples to be on the same page with whatever they decide. However, it's important to know there will typically always be some unanswered questions and some level of uncertainty in most adoption situations.

  5. Am I seeking God in prayer in every situation that crosses my eyes? This is the most important thing to do. Be in prayer. Seek God in prayer with every situation that you encounter. Ask God to direct your steps and give you wisdom. Although it's important to seek guidance from your adoption consultant, there is no better council than that which comes from the Lord. Seek Him first! Also, if you choose not to present, continue praying for the expectant mother and her baby. What a privilege it is to ask God to help her as she considers adoption.


***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoption: When You Feel Like Giving Up

in

"We're exhausted. We've presented more times than we can count. We prayed about pursuing adoption for years before we even started the process! Why would God bring us to this journey if we would only be met with ‘no’ after ‘no,’ delays and disappointments? Did we miss something?"

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have the privilege and honor of walking families through the adoption process from the very beginning of their journey until they have their baby in their arms. I am very passionate about helping families in this way. It's a blessing and a calling I do not take lightly.

People outside of the adoption process may struggle to understand the intricacies and complexities of this sacred space. I know this to be true because my families have shared it with me. "No one gets it. My family, my friends- they just don't understand the roller coaster of emotions that we go through on a daily basis."

But I get it. The team at Christian Adoption Consultants understands. The adoption process can be exhausting. And yet "exhausting" doesn't even seem to fully encapsulate all of the feelings evoked from families struggling through the ups and downs of the adoption process. If these words resonate with you, then this post is for you.

Friend, take a few deep breaths, remove any distractions and lean into what I'm about to share with you.

1. God has not forgotten you. Sometimes when things aren't working out like we expected they would we can be tempted to think that God has forgotten about us. But that is not the truth. It may feel really true to us, but we can't always trust our feelings. Our feelings change a lot and are often moved by our circumstances. But God and His Word remain constant. God has not promised that the road He has called us to will be easy, but He has promised that He will always be with us.

"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20, NIV)

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6, NIV)

2. God is in control. "Through our union with Christ we too have been claimed by God as his own inheritance. Before we were even born, he gave us our destiny; that we would fulfill the plan of God who always accomplishes every purpose and plan in his heart"(Ephesian 1:11, TPT). As Christians, isn't this comforting to rest our minds and hearts on? Isn't this truth freeing to cling to? It's freeing to think about the fact that we can't "slip outside" of God's plans for our life. Friends, you can't mess up or miss out on the plans God has for your family...not in the adoption process and not in any aspect of your life.

3. God is working all things out for your good. If you are believer you can rest in this knowledge. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28, NIV). The "good" here that Paul is referring to might not be in agreement with our understanding of "good." My kids love Krispy Kreme donuts and would probably eat 3 every day if I let them. But doing so would not be good for them. Ask God to help you trust that He who knows all and sees all, knows what is best for us, even when it doesn't coincide and align with our thoughts.

4. God is faithful to equip you with everything you need to accomplish everything that He has called you to. Our God is a very present God. He isn't somewhere off in the sky, twiddling His fingers, just hoping His children figure it out on their own. He is with us. He has sent us the Holy Spirit, our Helper. "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19, NIV). Are you weary from the adoption process? Do you feel like giving up? Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a renewed hope and perspective. Ask the Holy Spirit to comfort you and strengthen you every step of the way. He is faithful.

Friends, I understand the adoption process is exhausting, confusing, and filled with ups and downs. But I also know and have seen how God creates beautiful stories out of really difficult times. I wish I could tell you that I know exactly how your story will unfold. I don't. But I know the One who does. When you feel like giving up, remember the One who called you to this journey in the first place. He will see you through.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoption & Waiting During The Holidays

in

I would like to dedicate this post to all of my amazing CAC families waiting in the adoption process. I see you. I'm here for you. I'm praying that God would overwhelm you with His peace that surpasses all understanding this holiday season.

Waiting in the adoption process on any given day can be overwhelming, but during the holidays it can feel insurmountable. For many, the Christmas season exudes a sense of celebration, joy and wonder as we think about the birth of our Savior. But for some this holiday season is met with complex emotions as they are reminded of great loss or what they do not yet have: the child they are longing for.

I can understand and relate to the raw emotions surrounding an empty crib and the holidays. I will never forget two Thanksgivings after our miscarriage. Our baby would have been a little over 1 years old. While working through my grief on this day, I also found out that a family member was pregnant. On top of processing grief, I was also dealing with guilt over the complex emotions I initially felt about their pregnancy, even though at my deepest core I was thrilled for them. Only those who have walked through these waters can understand the juxtapositions of emotions that land you from one plane to another in regards to infertility and the holidays. It's just extremely difficult and at times confusing to navigate.

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have walked with many families through the adoption process. I have had conversation after conversation with families about this specific topic and so I have a front row seat to how waiting during the holidays can be more difficult. I have compiled a short list of helpful tools to help hopeful adoptive families navigate the holiday season.

1. Prayer. Be vulnerable with God in prayer. This seems pretty simple on the surface, but I think it's something that we forget to be intentional about as we progress throughout our day. He can handle all of your big thoughts and feelings. Pour them out at His feet. Ask God to help you. Ask Him to help you walk in His peace. Ask Him to help you find joy in the day-to-day even as you are navigating your complex emotions over the holidays. He is the best listener and loves to help His children. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14).

2. Read your Bible & Meditate on His Promises. We have access to the very Word of God. The Bible says, “All scriptures are God-breathed” (2 Timothy 3). His Word is full of rich truths and promises for His children. The Bible is what our soul needs. His Word is life-giving. His Word is transformative. His Word is powerful. His Word speaks truth to our fears. If this is something that is difficult for you to do, ask God to help you! He is faithful to answer our requests. It doesn't have to be a two hour long Bible Study, but I encourage you to set aside time each day (it can be 15 minutes!) to get in God's Word and meditate on His truths. If you miss a day, that's okay! Try again the next day. God just wants you to spend time with Him. Here is a helpful tool I use to help me read the Bible.

3. Confide in a friend. Talk to someone that you trust about what you are struggling with. Be vulnerable with them. Tell them why this season is especially difficult for you. Give specifics so that they can pray directly to God about it!

4. Guard Your Heart. Do whatever you need to do to guard your heart and your mind. If you need to stay off social media because seeing the influx of pregnancy announcements, adoption stories and pictures of happy families over the holidays is too difficult for you, then unplug for a while! If you need to take a break from a Christmas family gathering then step outside, call your friend and have them pray over the phone with you.

5. Start a thankful jar. Designate a jar in the house that will be your "Thankful Jar." Put it in a visible spot so everyone in the house can see it throughout the day. Anytime a thankful or grateful thought comes to your mind, jot it down and throw it in the jar. You can even turn this into a family tradition! If someone is having a hard day, dump the jar out and read the little notes out loud. Regardless of what you are going through, look for the little blessings, look for those little moments where you can say "Wow God! Look what you have given me. Look how you have blessed me." Then, go write it down and toss it in the jar. Setting your affections on thankfulness is a mighty way to praise God through whatever storm or hardship you are going through.

I know these ideas aren't revolutionary. Perhaps you already do everything single one of them. I just felt like someone needed a little reminder and maybe that person was you. It’s my deepest prayer that this season you would be reminded in tangible ways of God’s unconditional love for you and your family. It’s my deepest prayer that as you pour your heart before the Lord that He would comfort you and fill you with His peace, hope and joy.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***



Guest Post: Adoption Isn't A Way To Get Pregnant

in ,

The moment the nurse placed him in my arms, I knew we belonged to each other. All the tears and frustrations of the past several years pooled into a fountain of joy. Now I understood why God has us wait for a baby: So we could have this baby.

After my husband and I struggled with infertility, the Lord blew us away with His kindness and matched us with a loving birthmother. Through her brave choice, He gave us a son.

People were happy for us. They threw us showers, brought meals, and eagerly cuddled our son. Yet amid the celebration, we heard comments hinting at something better to come. A wink here, a nudged elbow there, the crack of a smile implying special intuition. I cringed every time someone uttered the words:

“Now that you’ve adopted, you’ll get pregnant. It happens all the time.”

No. No, it doesn’t happen all the time. Research on pregnancy after infertility doesn’t account for couples who adopt before getting pregnant. From a scientific standpoint, this idea is a myth.

People who say this mean well. They’re trying to give you hope that your longing for a biological child will be fulfilled. What they don’t understand is that this myth devalues adoptees. It regards the process of adoption as inferior to biological procreation, and an adopted child as less desirable than a biological child.

Regardless of good intentions, statements like “Just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant” hurt people. They question couples’ family-building decisions, treat children as a means to an end, and reject the core Christian belief that God created all human beings in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Every life matters to God. He calls us as His image bearers to respect and preserve the dignity of every single person. No matter how a child is brought into a family, he or she is worthy of value to the Lord and to the world.

God grows families through both pregnancy and adoption. The varied makeup of the earthly families he builds reflects the diversity of our spiritual family. We come from different backgrounds, far-flung places, and widely ranging walks of life, all broken and in need of rescue. By sending Christ to die in our place and raise to new life, God gave us the right to be called His adopted children. As He welcomed us into His family, so we can embrace and appreciate the mosaic of families he forms in the world.

Through earthly adoption, God does more than unite parents with children. He provides a path to redeem some of the damage the Fall inflicted on childbearing and family unity. He takes crises like infertility, unexpected pregnancy, and children who are orphaned or otherwise at risk and transforms them into opportunities for restoration.

As with any earthly process, adoption isn’t perfect. It can’t completely “fix” these problems. Yet the creation of a family born of loss renders hope for a broken world groaning to be made anew (Romans 8:19). Like with our spiritual adoption, we need earthly adoption to claim the family wholeness we crave.

Viewing adoption as secondary to biological procreation diminishes a beautiful process whereby God works redemption. Rather than a lesser means to a better end, adoption is a resolution, a responsibility, a calling, and a gift. It’s an end unto itself and should be appreciated as a providential plan. John Piper describes the intrinsic worth of both ways God designs a family:

“In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But it does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth.”

Although it’s rare, some couples do get pregnant after adopting. It happened to us. I have no explanation for it, other than to say God worked another miracle after the first miracle of bringing our oldest son through adoption. We’re grateful for how he formed our family using different paths at different times.

Wherever you’re at on the path of adoption, be prepared to encounter the myth that adoption leads to pregnancy. Even if infertility isn’t part of your story, you’ll hear it tossed around as a platitude or joke.

While it’s frustrating to be told such a harmful cliché, try to approach the situation as an opportunity to educate others. Tell them that a child who is adopted isn’t a consolation prize for parents who couldn’t conceive. Give them a clearer picture of adoption, acknowledging the risks and flaws while also highlighting the value and beauty of this path.

Ask the Lord to give you boldness and gentleness to correct the myth. Help others see the glorious ways God chooses to grow a family, that they might glorify your Father in heaven.

Jenn Hesse is a writer, wife, and mother through adoption and pregnancy. She is the content director at a national infertility support ministry called Waiting in Hope, and has a passion for equipping others to know Christ through His Word. She writes at jennhesse.com and other Christian publications.

Adoption Story: Terrence + Meredith

in

I remember the first time I spoke with Terrence and Meredith. They were so kind and friendly. We hit it off immediately as they shared a bit of their story with me. I had a feeling we would become friends and I was right! When they started the adoption process we had no idea that they would be meeting their daughter for the very first time in the middle of a pandemic! But as we know, God's timing is best and I think you will come to see as we have that His timing is perfect!  As their Adoption Consultant with CAC I’m honored to share a glimpse into their adoption journey-the journey that led them to their beautiful baby girl! 

image0 (12).jpeg

After Terrence and Meredith signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants I provided them with our Adoptive Parent Guide Book (resources that CAC has pulled together from over 14 years of working in the adoption field!) and a trusted home study provider recommendation. Then, I walked them through what to expect in the upcoming days, weeks and months. 

When their home study and profile was almost done, I connected them with our recommended agency list and we talked through which ones might be the best fit for them. They began presenting to situations immediately. As it is for many families, this part of the adoption process was one of the most difficult aspects. We had many conversations about how a “no” does not mean “never” it just means “not yet.” I was amazed by their faith and trust in God as they continued putting their “yes” on the table despite hearing “no” so many times. 

image0 (13).jpeg

I will never forget the day they got an email from an agency I had connected them to. They learned about an expectant mama who was due with baby girl in a month! After praying about it they decided to present their profile. A few days later they called to let me know that they were chosen! When we talked on the phone they commented on the timing of how their story was unfolding. It was the end of April and we were in the very middle of a pandemic. But they still trusted that God would guide them through the uncertainty every step of the way.

image0 (14).jpeg

 A few weeks before baby girl’s due date I received this text from them, “ …we are on our way…baby girl was born this morning!…” They arrived there late Saturday night too late to go to the hospital, but Sunday morning I got the most beautiful text from Meredith letting me know their baby girl was doing good! When they finally got word they could head home with their daughter I was so elated! I knew they were so ready to introduce their eldest daughter to her new baby sister!

I got a picture from Meredith shortly after they got home of both girls in matching outfits. Lexi, their eldest, was giving their new baby sister a big kiss on the cheek. Meredith sent me a text with the picture that read, "My sister-in-law sent a few matching outfits and this was the best day of Lexi's life."

image0 (15).jpeg

I asked Meredith and Terrence to share a little about their experience with CAC and the journey to their daughter and this is what they had to say:

”I feel like our adoption story isn't the ‘norm',’ but then again, nothing about growing our family has been ‘normal.’ And even though the waiting wasn't easy (waiting for over a year for something you want SO BADLY is certainly not easy), we had to constantly remind ourselves that the Lord had brought us to this particular place, and He had made it very clear that adoption was part of His plan for our family. With every ‘no’ we heard (and there were a lot), we just had to remember that even though we didn't know how this would end, the Lord did. Terrence and I had to keep telling each other that if we truly believed the Bible and everything it tells us about who Jesus is, then we could trust Him with this completely. It's hard for both Terrence and I to give up control of things, but we agreed early on in this process that we had to give this to the Lord 100% because He knows better than we do. And the Lord proved Himself to us in ways we never would have dreamed!”

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Top 5 Questions I'm Asked As An Adoption Consultant

in

As an Adoption Consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants I'm asked a lot of questions about the adoption process. Today I'm sharing the top 5 questions that families inquire about with the hopes of providing information to those who are interested in learning more about the process.  

  1. How do families afford adoption? The financial cost of adoption can prevent many from beginning the adoption process, but it doesn’t have to. “Where will the money come from? How will we be able to afford adoption?” At CAC you are never left to figure out things on your own, as we provide our family with a list of low interest/ no interest adoption loans, adoption grants and fundraising ideas that have assisted thousands of families in raising funds for their adoption. I could share story after story of God’s faithfulness in providing for our families.

  2. How common are failed adoptions? Although Christian Adoption Consultants has a lower adoption failure rate (< 20%) than the nation wide failure rate (50-60%), there will always be some level of risk in the adoption process. When a woman is considering an adoption plan for her child, she is making one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Placing a child for adoption is a sacrificial and selfless act of unconditional love. No one can predict whether or not an expectant mother will change her mind. However, if you are living and breathing on this earth, then risk is inevitable. You can’t be immune to it; it’s a part of life. At CAC we walk with our families and assist them in navigating the warnings signs to reduce the levels of risks associated with the adoption process.

  3. How long does it take to adopt? It depends on what route you choose to pursue adoption. On average families using Christian Adoption Consultants wait 7-12 months from the time their home study is complete until an adoption agency matches them with an expectant mother. Some families only wait a matter of days or weeks before receiving a match from an agency or an attorney, while others wait a bit longer.

  4. Will our family be desirable to an expectant mother? Is our family too big? Are we too old? Are we too young? Every expectant mother is looking for something different in an adoptive family. There is no such thing as a “perfect family.” Although it can be tempting to let fear drive families away from pursuing adoption, I always remind them that God works through the details including the specifics about your family!

  5. What's the difference between working with CAC versus just one agency? Christian Adoption Consultants is not an adoption agency, rather we are an adoption consulting service. An adoption agency is a licensed organization that works with both adoptive and birth families in placing children in homes. No agency is exactly alike but a generalization of their services are as follows: providing home studies for families pre and post placement, providing support for expectant/birth mothers pre/post placement, and matching adoptive families with expectant mothers.   So what does CAC do and how do we help families through the adoption process? Here are a few things to consider:

    Multiple Agency Networking– Families utilizing our services are able to work with multiple agencies at one time.  We strictly vet our adoption agencies/attorneys and situations to assess risk for our clients protection. In addition to our vetting procedures, we help assess the risks and warning signs of every situation that crosses their eyes.

    Education & Guidance– There is so much more to the adoption process than just the act of adopting. There is a lot to be learned along the way. At CAC we are committed to providing adoption education and resources for our families. From understanding open adoption, positive adoption language, risks in adoption, communicating with expectant/birth mamas/families, protecting your child's story, educating other family members-we are supporting, encouraging and guiding you from beginning to the end!  

    Personal Advocate– With CAC you will never feel like just another number. Our families have direct access to us via email, phone and text. We are here for our families every step of the way. Walking through the adoption process is filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, delays, disappointment, excitement, joy, sadness, etc.  It is such an honor to guide families through their adoption journey and it's a privilege we do not take for granted.

    Experienced Professionals– Christian Adoption Consultants is one of the largest, oldest, and most experienced adoption consulting firms in the world! We have been around since 2006 and since that time have assisted families with over 3,500 successful adoptions. Our team consists of adoption professionals that hold degrees ranging from masters to bachelors in the counseling, social work, child welfare and human services fields.  Because we work as a team at CAC, you not only receive guidance from your adoption consultant, but you also have access to the resources and experience from our entire staff! Between all team members we have 120 years combined professional adoption experience.


    ***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***