Adoption & Waiting During The Holidays

I would like to dedicate this post to all of my amazing CAC families waiting in the adoption process. I see you. I'm here for you. I'm praying that God would overwhelm you with His peace that surpasses all understanding this holiday season.

Waiting in the adoption process on any given day can be overwhelming, but during the holidays it can feel insurmountable. For many, the Christmas season exudes a sense of celebration, joy and wonder as we think about the birth of our Savior. But for some this holiday season is met with complex emotions as they are reminded of great loss or what they do not yet have: the child they are longing for.

I can understand and relate to the raw emotions surrounding an empty crib and the holidays. I will never forget two Thanksgivings after our miscarriage. Our baby would have been a little over 1 years old. While working through my grief on this day, I also found out that a family member was pregnant. On top of processing grief, I was also dealing with guilt over the complex emotions I initially felt about their pregnancy, even though at my deepest core I was thrilled for them. Only those who have walked through these waters can understand the juxtapositions of emotions that land you from one plane to another in regards to infertility and the holidays. It's just extremely difficult and at times confusing to navigate.

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have walked with many families through the adoption process. I have had conversation after conversation with families about this specific topic and so I have a front row seat to how waiting during the holidays can be more difficult. I have compiled a short list of helpful tools to help hopeful adoptive families navigate the holiday season.

1. Prayer. Be vulnerable with God in prayer. This seems pretty simple on the surface, but I think it's something that we forget to be intentional about as we progress throughout our day. He can handle all of your big thoughts and feelings. Pour them out at His feet. Ask God to help you. Ask Him to help you walk in His peace. Ask Him to help you find joy in the day-to-day even as you are navigating your complex emotions over the holidays. He is the best listener and loves to help His children. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14).

2. Read your Bible & Meditate on His Promises. We have access to the very Word of God. The Bible says, “All scriptures are God-breathed” (2 Timothy 3). His Word is full of rich truths and promises for His children. The Bible is what our soul needs. His Word is life-giving. His Word is transformative. His Word is powerful. His Word speaks truth to our fears. If this is something that is difficult for you to do, ask God to help you! He is faithful to answer our requests. It doesn't have to be a two hour long Bible Study, but I encourage you to set aside time each day (it can be 15 minutes!) to get in God's Word and meditate on His truths. If you miss a day, that's okay! Try again the next day. God just wants you to spend time with Him. Here is a helpful tool I use to help me read the Bible.

3. Confide in a friend. Talk to someone that you trust about what you are struggling with. Be vulnerable with them. Tell them why this season is especially difficult for you. Give specifics so that they can pray directly to God about it!

4. Guard Your Heart. Do whatever you need to do to guard your heart and your mind. If you need to stay off social media because seeing the influx of pregnancy announcements, adoption stories and pictures of happy families over the holidays is too difficult for you, then unplug for a while! If you need to take a break from a Christmas family gathering then step outside, call your friend and have them pray over the phone with you.

5. Start a thankful jar. Designate a jar in the house that will be your "Thankful Jar." Put it in a visible spot so everyone in the house can see it throughout the day. Anytime a thankful or grateful thought comes to your mind, jot it down and throw it in the jar. You can even turn this into a family tradition! If someone is having a hard day, dump the jar out and read the little notes out loud. Regardless of what you are going through, look for the little blessings, look for those little moments where you can say "Wow God! Look what you have given me. Look how you have blessed me." Then, go write it down and toss it in the jar. Setting your affections on thankfulness is a mighty way to praise God through whatever storm or hardship you are going through.

I know these ideas aren't revolutionary. Perhaps you already do everything single one of them. I just felt like someone needed a little reminder and maybe that person was you. It’s my deepest prayer that this season you would be reminded in tangible ways of God’s unconditional love for you and your family. It’s my deepest prayer that as you pour your heart before the Lord that He would comfort you and fill you with His peace, hope and joy.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Healing is in His Hands (Part 2)

When I was a little girl  I have the most vivid memories of people praying over me. One time in particular always comes to mind, although I could share more. My pastor asked if anyone needed prayer. My hands got really sweaty and my heart started beating fast and I felt the Holy Spirit's prompting to go up and ask for it. But I wasn't just merely asking. Even at 7 years old I believed with full confidence that He would do it. After all, I was living proof. So when I was asking, I was asking in full confidence knowing He had the power to heal my body right then and there. 

I had cancer twice as an infant. After the tumors were removed I was left with medical issues that I dealt with all throughout the day from the removal of the tumors.  I had to take medication for these issues and was observed by specialists in St.Louis to make sure the cancer wasn't returning and the issues were under control. The medication didn't resolve the medical issues, but I was sick less often than I would have been without them. 

My Mother & I. I was halfway through chemo treatments.

I walked up to the altar with my mother and the pastor met us at the stairs.I still remember how the green carpet felt. As we kneeled down and  my head was anointed with oil,  my pastor and the entire congregation joined in prayer over me. It makes me tear up thinking about how much courage it took to walk down in front of hundreds of people sitting in the congregation-a type of courage that could truly only come from the Holy Spirit. Some of my church family knew what I was asking specific prayers for, others did not. But God knew. And God heard. That was enough. But I left that night with the same medical complications I had walking into the sanctuary. 

I cried when we got home. I didn't understand why I had to carry this burden.  I felt a heavy "differentness" among my peers and this weight was carried with me for years.  I continued to miss a ton of school due to these issues.  I had a nurse who would come get from class a few times a day to make sure I was taking care of myself. Kids were curious and of course would ask questions. I got really tired of answering those questions because these questions served as a reminder to me of just how different I felt than my peers. But despite the embarrassment, shame and humbling encounters I had in spite of these things, I continue talking to God about it. I continued asking Him to heal my body. 

Celebrating 5 Years Old!

I was quite familiar with the power of prayer and miraculous healing. I had seen it to be true in my own life.  Since He had done it before, I just knew in my heart that He would do it again. To me there was no "could" about it. I knew deep down in my heart that God would do it. But day after day I prayed and I prayed and there was no change. There would be times when I had convinced myself that I was healed. I would beg my mom to take me to be tested by my doctors to see if in fact I had been "healed."  But year after year, the little hopeful Kelly was met with more and more disappointment, "I'm sorry. There have been no changes. The medical issues are irreversible."

"What was I doing wrong? Was I not praying hard enough? Did I not have enough faith?" Unfortunately, this mentality surrounding healing and prayer isn't uncommon. Just as I was susceptible to it, I've heard others make similar comments. It breaks my heart when I hear questions like this. This mentality and way of thinking about healing and prayer is very dangerous. "God didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to so that must mean I prayed the wrong formula or I don't have enough faith."

At a very young age the Lord helped me reframe and understand my medical challenges in a new light. Healing came in a different way than I expected it would. There was no burning bush. There was no flash of light. There was no tingling sensation all over my body like I had heard others speak of. But He did heal me. Healing just came wrapped in a different package than I thought it would. He healed my mind and my heart to be at peace with my circumstances. Finally, I came to embrace my medical challenges. That didn't mean that they still weren't hard to deal with, but I learned to find God's purpose behind the pain. That was so transformative for me because in doing so I found Jesus Christ right there with me. 

My family in 1989.

Me at Relay for Life leading the Survivor Walk.

The things that I once considered the worst part of me, a burden, like chains holding me down, I came to recognize as a gift from God. Because not a day went by where I was not physically reminded of my weaknesses and my need for Christ.  I'm so grateful through God's grace and kindness that I learned from a very early age that there really is no greater treasure than being constantly aware of your need for a Savior. And that was I. This early recognition of my need for Jesus and my inability to function in this world without Him was the greatest gift I could have ever received. The cancer wasn't wasted. The medical complications weren't wasted. The pain wasn't wasted. He used all of these things to keep my heart close to His and to draw me to Him.  It was through these difficult experiences and not a part from them that I started asking questions about God. And it was through asking these questions that I came to learn about the Gospel. And it was through learning about the Gospel that I came to learn about the unconditional love of my heavenly Father. And that love changed everything.  

Getting baptized at the Lake of Egypt after I became a Christian in 1996. The man holding my hand walking me into the lake was the same pastor who prayed for me.

Peace in Christ Alone

March 15, 2010. The night before I had open heart surgery. Many would assume that I'd be anxious about the morning, anxious about the little tumor camping out on my mitral valve, the little tumor that 3 weeks prior had caused a mini-stroke. But I wasn’t. I surprised to recognize those feelings weren’t there, but instead replaced with an all-consuming peace. 

I'd been overwhelmed in the days prior, but this night was different. I sensed the Holy Spirit's power in that room helping me place my trust in the One who had carried me through time and time again. There was a stillness and a quiet confidence in my heart. I knew that whatever was on the other side of this surgery, whether life, death or any further medical complications, God was with me. I was not alone. God was keeping me. This wasn't a cliche statement I told myself, but something I believed in the deepest parts of my soul. No disease, no sickness, and not even death could snatch me from His mighty hands. 

8 hours before surgery I wrote, "I fell on my knees in the room of my cold hospital floor, weeping with great joy for just how much God is taking care of me. It still seems unreal that I will be having open heart surgery tomorrow. Although I do not know completely why things in my life have unfolded as they have, I do know the King of the Universe. I know the One who holds the world in the palm of his hand, and He knows me, and for that very reason and that reason alone, my heart is at rest & I have peace." If we are grappling to find peace from our current circumstances we will always be left wanting.

Jesus Christ told His disciples in John 16:33, 'I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world.' I have not mastered finding peace in Christ alone all day 24/7, but the Holy Spirit is kind to help me remember. I'm learning throughout this season of uncertainty the sweetness that comes through remembering who the keeper of my soul is. Because when I remember who the keeper of my soul is, the unknowns in this life don't seem quite as scary because I know my soul is safe & secure in my Heavenly Father's arms.